Who we are
Suggested text: None of your goddamn business, buddy.
Comments
Suggested text: You can’t leave a comment. If you still somehow figure out how to leave a comment, you lose all rights to the comment, your car, your house, and your wife. You can keep the kids. If you don’t agree to these terms, feel free to tell someone who gives a rats ass.
Cookies
Suggested text: It’s a default wordpress, don’t like cookies, go bitch at them, I don’t give a shit. You probably don’t need to read this anyways.
Embedded content from other websites
Suggested text: If you can’t tell that embedded data is owned and does shit on your computer from the third party, you’re an idiot. Throw away your computer, the world definitely does not need to hear more of your bullshit.
Who we share your data with
Suggested text: You don’t have data here. If you somehow leave data here, it is not your data, it’s now my data. I’ll do with my data as I goddamn well please and thank you.
How long we retain your data
Suggested text: Until you start paying for my beer.
What rights you have over your data
Suggested text: None. This is get-a-clue-istan, and you waved your rights to international whining the moment you woke up and decided drinking boiled bean juice from another continent was a good decision.
Where your data is sent
Suggested text: Any damn place you want, buddy. That URL bar is just begging for you to type in something other than facebook, youtube, or porn.